Surrender Doesn’t Mean You Give Up

Can’t Get It Out Of My Head

I can’t get the word “surrender” out of my head, leading me to explore this topic.  Since Manifesting Me came into the world this past June, the hoopla has died down a smidgen. It’s not to say things aren’t happening, but the hype isn’t as prevalent as it was during the book launch. I can’t stop feeling like I’m missing out on something. I find I have been comparing myself with other authors;  a topic I’ve talked about in a previous blog. While I am being  proactive in my process of being an author, I constantly hear the little voice in my head saying, “surrender.”

I don’t think I’ve actually understood what “surrender” really meant, up to this point. Even though I’ve heard other use the phrase, “surrender” a thousand time,  I’ve only understood it logically.  I think I’m finally understanding on a deeper level what the true meaning is. As much as I want to be knee deep in the author world, there’s a gestation period, like anything else. Another topic I’ve blogged about, before.  However, when I am the person in the state of insecurity, I know that I have to reel in my negative thoughts; and let be, what will be. It’s not always easy at first. Hence, I have to surrender.

A White Flag Or Throwing In the Towel Equals Surrender

Most of us think of a white flag waving or of throwing in the towel, when someone brings up the word, surrender; as giving up. Surrendering doesn’t mean you give up on what you’re trying to accomplish. It means to stop trying to control specific outcomes.  Surrendering, means do what you can and don’t focus on things out of your control. Don’t obsess on the things that aren’t going exactly the way you envisioned.

Maybe the thing I thought wasn’t happening, just hasn’t happened, yet.  As much as I’ve preached on how the Universe is working for you, this is the time when I need to practice what I preach. If things are meant to be, they will. And if not, something better will come.

Comparing Can Get You Into Trouble

As a new author, I didn’t have a clear picture of what my outcome was to be.  I knew I wanted to write my memoir and that it would hopefully help someone.  I relied heavily on reading what other authors have shared online to get an indicator of what the author life was like.

I’ve heard time and time again, Don’t plan to get rich off of your first book. It’s your second or even tenth book, that makes you money.   Which doesn’t sound hopeful; especially after spending a pretty penny to publish. Or  I am on the morning show. I’m winning all these awards,  which isn’t something that has it happened in my experience…at least not at this point.

Being in social media groups with other authors sharing their journey, has been helpful, inspiring, and has been very useful. But at times, has triggered my insecurities. I find myself comparing and competing with other authors, when I have no clue of where they are in their journey. Maybe they’ve been working if the field for many years.  Maybe they’ve paid more for an expensive publicity package. Whatever the case is, I know nothing of their history and to presume anything is just silly; like comparing apples to oranges. Logically, I know this to be very unproductive.  Thankfully, the voice in my head is persistent.”Surrender!”

Insecure Moments

Insecure moments are quite normal, but aren’t discussed as much in these forums. Most want to show all of their accolades, which is awesome! Who wouldn’t want the world to know about their accomplishments and progress? I’d do the same thing.  Publishing a book is an impressive achievement and one should be proud.

There’s more to writing a book, when you want to have it be part of your career.  There’s a wealth of information and tons to do, most of which is fun and creative. Nonetheless, there’s the vulnerable part; especially when it comes to memoir. People are going to have opinions about you. Everyone has a story, so why does yours matter? Realizing you’re one of many to trying to make it, can be overwhelming at times.  The voice in my head says, “Surrender.”

So what does that mean? I think to myself.  “Quit worrying.” The voice in my head answers.

Although, both voices are in my head, I refer to my thoughts as one, and the voice another. My essence (my soul) is the inner voice telling my ego (thoughts) to surrender.

Learning how to surrender was something I was forced to do, once my book was released to the world. I’d spent the money to make it happen.  There’s no turning back now.  On the upside, the feedback has been pretty positive. Plus, I have events on the calendar. Then there’s the downside, I’d been informed of an awesome opportunity, but it hasn’t been confirmed. The voice continues telling me to surrender.  Why do I need to hear this?

It’s quite simple. I’m focusing on the wrong things. Like, thinking the awesome opportunity is gone. When maybe, it just didn’t happen yet. I seem to have this sense of urgency. Clearly, my ego has taken control.

Essence And Ego

Ego constantly is testing reality and is finite. It’s good for accounting, organizing, etc. and is a part of you that you can’t get rid of. How I define the ego, is it’s the nagging part of your brain that expresses conditional love.  Therefor, it points out all of your flaws.

Essence is the part of you – your soul or inner being – that loves you unconditionally and is infinite.  It’s your connection to All. My essences wants me relax, by telling me, “Surrender. Everything will be fine. Don’t put all the emphasis into the outcome. Enjoy the journey. This is only the beginning. What’s the rush? Chill.”

When you are a doer, like I am, it’s hard to give up power and to allow things to happen in their natural time. I’m being guided by the little non-judging voice, to let it take whatever time is needed, and not look into the future with fear-clouded glasses, to be successful in anything.

Surrender Isn’t Forceful

Have you ever tried grasping a bar of soap tightly?  If you have, you know its nearly impossible to hold on to it.  It’s the same as holding on too tightly to a specific outcome. Let go a little and don’t try to force things.  I’m sure you know of someone, or experienced it for yourself, an incident where you forced something, and you got it. Yet the desired outcome, wasn’t quite what you’d had in mind.

Surrender isn’t forceful, tense, or exhausting.  Thus, if you are experiencing frustration and disappointment? It is time for you to surrender.  And if things seem to be falling into place without force and you’re feeling joyful, motivated, and inspired? Pat yourself on the back! You are in what others call being in the flow. Can you tell when your ego get the best of you? Has the little voice in your head ever said, Surrender?

“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” ~ Joseph Campbell

Click the link to hear Oprah’s experience with surrendering and the movie, The Color Purple.

Click the link to hear  Denzel Washington’s speech on his experience with surrendering.

Working with Technology and Reading

Technology Has Helped the Youth to Read

Technology has it pros and cons when it comes to reading. Since technology isn’t going anywhere, we need to adapt to it. Since texting is the leading way the young people communicate these days, they are more inclined to write and read. Statistics shows in 2018 study; the share of adults that have read a book in any sort of format are the ages between 18-29 at 84%, ages 30-40 at 74%, 50-64 71%, and 65+ 67%. Is this due technology? Maybe, maybe not.

Being how I was never a great reader, due to dyslexia, I now read tons online and now books. Since  the ease in accessing my phone and the love of researching things, I’ve read more than ever.  The brain works like a muscle and the more you train it, it gets stronger. Since smart phones, Facebook, Twitter, etc., have been around, reading and writing/texting have become a part of everyone’s life, unless you live under a rock or refuse to get with the times. Maybe technology isn’t as bad as you think.

Reading Platforms

There are many platforms for reading; from the iPad, computers, smartphones, audio books, or regular hard copies. Choices gives people the opportunity to read more. As a new author, I want people to be able to access my book Manifesting Me without any deterrence. It’s more important for the message of book to get out, not what medium is being used.

With all of the reading devices out there, there is another thing to consider; which social media platform will work best with what you’re trying to do. Is it personal or for business?  I’m using it for both, but mainly my business.  It can be a bit overwhelming to a new author like myself, to determine which one works best, but I’m willing to try them all.  Once you think you knew of them all, there’s more. And forever changing.

Differences In Reading Platforms

I have found for myself as a new author, Twitter, Facebook, Goodreads, and my website – – seem to be the ones I am more active with.  My son is in a band and they do well with Snapchat and Instagram.  Although, Facebook is great for advertising local events for any endeavor.  All of my hairstylist friends do extremely well with Instagram, Pinterest, and Yelp.

I’ve only scratched the surface with social media and will continue to see which platform is best for my needs. Have you figured out which one works best for your needs? Click the link below to see social media stats.

Addicted to Reading Social Media

As great and useful social media for all sorts of reading material is, there is the down side to watch out for. Don’t get addicted to thinking a “like” is the validation you have to have. It’s great to have accolades and so forth, but as an author or any artist, don’t let other’s opinions define you. Because there will be a time when you might not get the “like” you’re hoping for.  Click the link below to see the studies between depression and the amount of time spent on social media.…/a-new-more-rigorous-study-confirms-the-more-you-use-facebook-the-worse-you-feel

Social media was designed to make you somewhat addicted.  The same endorphins get released when you get approval or liked as in gambling.  After all, all social media is its own type of business.  The more hits a site gets, the more money is generated through ads.

Law of Attraction and Reading

I’ve talked a lot about the law of attraction in previous blogs; how your thoughts create your reality. Pay attention to your emotions and energy while reading social media. Are you feeling inspired or motivated or all over good? Or are you feeling irritated or angry or depressed?  Are you stalking others and comparing yourself to them?  Let your feelings be your guide to what you want to read or what you want others to be reading about you.  Remember, not everything is as it seems, on social media.

Technology and devices are great tools for personal use while keeping up with distant family and friends. In business, you have the opportunity to reach mass amounts of people with only a few clicks, like never before.  How will you expand your business? What do you want people reading about you or your business?  Let’s use this technology to enhance our lives and businesses, with what we choose to read. Let technology be your servant.

“Technology is a useful servant but a dangerous master.” ~ Christian Lous Lange

Projecting Past Experiences On Others

What Does Living in the Past Mean?

Do you live in the past?  Most people I’ve talked to recently, seem to live in the past. You’re probably wondering what that means?  It’s when people project their past experiences on others, as if it will happen in the future or is happening now.

Since this is the time when a child is getting ready to advance into another grade, you can see how the different triggers show up.  One example that comes to mind is when one’s child goes to school, whether it’s high school, elementary school, or middle school.  When the parent’s experience was traumatic in whichever grade, you’ll see a panic in the parent when the child is in that same time period.

Projecting Your Past on to Your Child

Most parents tend to project and pass their experiences down the family line.  Hence patterns, good or bad, will continue. Writing Manifesting Me helped me see this tendency more clearly than ever.  I went to a tough elementary school where there were no shortage of fights.  By the time I went to middle school (which was junior high back in the day), I had already gone through what most middle school age kids went through; leaving me with a rather unusually good experience.

When my kids were in elementary school, all I could think about was if my child was getting picked on.  Were they afraid to use the bathroom, like I was?  It’s funny because I didn’t have those thoughts when they entered middle school like the rest of the world. Obviously, I based everything on my own past experiences.

If a person was a wild child and partied like a rockstar in the 80’s, that same person might be inclined to think all kids are doing the same kinds of crazy stuff.  I have found today, that some teens may be doing some of the same drug experimenting, but it seems to be less common as it was when I was growing up.  Thankfully, my kids and their friends never partied the same way I did in the past.

Living in the Past at Work

Another example are when young people enter into an industry that changes continually, such as music, beauty, writing, etc.  The older generation sometimes lives in the past and don’t want to accept change; especially in this new world of technology.  The younger generation has learned to  use Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, Snapchat, Pinterest, Twitter, Yelp, etc. to advertise.  This might seem easier than beating the streets, but there comes a time that we all must evolve and live in the now.  What worked well a long time ago, might not be as useful. Or you can think of it as another tool and add it into your repertoire.

With smartphones you can show off your work and advertise at any given time. Plus, it’s cheaper than running ads. Anything that can make your job easier, I say go for it.  There is always a silver lining.

Some Examples are More Subtle

There are other subtle examples of living in the past such as where your fears lie when it comes to finances, relationship, and career.  I grew up in a household with fear-based thinking around money.  My mother stressed more outwardly about money issues with my older sister than me, which lead to my sister’s mindset of lack of money to a much higher degree than mine.  There’s a feeling of never enough money.

I can tell when a person has grown up with a view of lack of money.  It doesn’t matter how much money they make, whether it’s $50,000.00 or $200,000.00, it’s the same thought process; it’s never enough. This sounds pretty silly, but I’ve seen it.  It really boils down to a scarcity mentality, which probably has been taught through past generations.

People who have grown up with parents surviving the Great Depression tend to save and ration.  Not so long ago, my grandmother would by things for two bits ($0.25) at a garage sale just in case someone could possibly use it. Talk about living in the past. That’s what people did back then.

Being Grateful for the Past

Not all ways are bad from the past.  The interaction we had with each other in the past was something to be cherished.  Technology can’t give you personal one-on-one connections.  Not having all of the devices around for constant entertainment, gave us a chance to explore our imaginations. When I was little playing with the neighborhood girl and my sister, we used the thorns from rose bushes, as people to fit in our Hot Wheels cars.  We were forever in a make-believe world, and it was fun.

Our parents didn’t  hover over us every second worrying whether someone would kidnap us.  We learned how to be resourceful, since they had a sense of value of money and didn’t shower us with the latest gadgets. They didn’t try to out do another parent by buying lavish gifts, which seems to be more prevalent today.

Gadgets do exist now, and we live in a new time. It’s an era of technology and things move more quickly than ever.  Take what is good from the past and apply it to the present, but evolve yourself in this day and age and take it for what it is. Some changes have made life great. I wouldn’t want to wash all of my clothes by hand. Can you see the positive changes or do you let the past dictate your life? We really only have the now.  The past, is just that, the past.

“People don’t realize that now is all there ever is; there is no past or future except as memory or anticipation in your mind.” ~ Eckhart Tolle