There Are Benefits In Setbacks

Setbacks

I was interviewed yesterday on Stories that Empower podcast with Sean, where one of the questions was, What was a setback in your life, that had a profound effect? I’ve had many setbacks in life. But this question really made me think. Everyone has had some sort of a setback, if they’ve lived at all.

I thought my life was heading in one direction until one incident change my whole trajectory. I know that I am not unique in this situation.

Setbacks introduce contrast into your life to help you determine what it is you really want or what’s best for you. So in the long run, there are benefits to setbacks.

What setbacks are tripping you up? Are you open to the idea that setbacks come with benefits? I’m 49 yrs. old and have had many experiences of let down, like many of you. But I’ve seen the upside as well. I’ve seen how those let downs were like dodging a bullet. I’m sure many of you have dodged bullets.

The Benefits of Setbacks

How exactly are setbacks beneficial, you ask? Haven’t you had a relationship that ended not on your terms? The feeling of rejections hurts like no other. It feels like you did something wrong or worse, there’s something wrong with you.

As time goes on and your heart is on the mend, you meet someone new.  This person is actually better than the one that broke your heart. Had you’d stayed with that other person, you would have never had an opportunity to meet this new fabulous person. Benefit #1 of a setback.

It’s the same with a job. You so desperately wanted this position and worked so hard for it. You were the best candidate for the job. You even had a strong inclination you were getting this job. Only to have the carpet pulled right out from under your feet. You fall flat on you your face. Completely blindsided. Later an opportunity comes up, even better than what you could’ve imagined. Benefit #2 resulting from a setback.

Sometimes the benefits take a long time to show themselves, but they always do. Sometimes it’s years and sometimes a few days. Look at it more like a detour; you’ll get there eventually. Life is working for you.

Life Is Working For You

Things don’t always happen in the time or the exact details we have dreamed of, but it doesn’t mean to give up. If anything it should motivate you. Life is working for you at all time, even when it feels like it’s not. If you truly reflect on your life, you will notice how things have always worked towards your benefit. So go out there and don’t let those setbacks detour you. Keep plugging along. Whether it’s a book your writing, a record your producing, getting on that team, moving into your dream home, or meeting that perfect mate, don’t let the setbacks discourage you. You will get there.

If you so choose, even the unexpected setbacks can bring new and positive possibilities. If you so choose, you can find value and fulfillment in every circumstance.” – Ralph Marston

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How Does the Three Toxic C’s Affect Your Success?

The Three Toxic C’s

In my memoir Manifesting Me, I bring up the three toxic C’s which is Comparing, Competing, and Complaining. We all do this naturally at some time in our lives. But it really will be the demise of our success, if this excessive  pattern doesn’t leave our thoughts. Although, some competition can be healthy when it’s with ourselves. And some comparison can be useful when used to gauge ourselves in an unfamiliar area. Other than that, they can spiral us into a dark place. Complaining is never good and no one wants to hear it.

Comparing is all Ego

 I went to an event where I was surrounded by many authors. Immediately I felt awkward and out of place. I felt less than everyone else. I had never been to a women’s literature event in my entire life. I perceived that everyone had been to an event like this one and I felt like I was in over my head.

My ego and insecurity had completely taken over my brain. I wondered How many people there were authors?  How well were their books received. Would my book be well received? Would I be well received?

Luckily, I relaxed and eased up as I listened to Leila Slimani, a world-wide famous author, being interviewed by Brooke Warner of She Writes Press; both whom I admire for their contribution to the literature world. Leila reminded all of us not to let critics and reviews dictate how we craft our art.

Competing

Logically I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself because it’s like competing, but occasionally it happens. It’s like when you go to the gym, but you haven’t been for some time.  You get on the treadmill next to someone who’s running fast and you happen to glance at their setting, and think you should be doing what they’re doing. You set your speed and start to die.

Why on God’s green Earth would you think you’d be able to keep up? You don’t know how long they’ve been going to the gym. It’s okay to push yourself and compete against yourself, but do not compete or compare yourself to some stranger or someone that is so far out of your league. It’s negative and no good will come of it. It sends you on a downward spiral which usually involves complaining.

Complaining, Plainly Sucks

When you’ve compared yourself to someone, and/or secretly/blatantly competed with someone, it usually involves complaining in some sort of way. Again, we’ve all done it.  And it’s normal to a degree. However, no one wants to hear it. It spirals your thoughts into negative oblivion. How productive is that? Complaining not only sucks, it drains the life out of you and everyone listening.

Not to mention when someone is complaining about someone else, they probably are going to, or have, complained about you.  Like I said before, some complaining is normal. But if you are so focused on what’s going wrong in your life, you’ll more than likely get more of something to complain about.

How Does 3 Toxic C’s Affect  Success?

The three toxic C’s can hinder your success. Success is all about learning from others that are more experienced, exploring whatever your new venture is, and having fun along the way. Focus on the prize not the obstacles. You will have bumps along the way, but that is part of the process.

Don’t compare or compete with someone in your venture. Assuming you know what they’ve done or not done, is only a distraction. It’s an excuse for you not to move forward. Just because someone’s book does better, or someone gets an offer first, doesn’t mean it won’t happen for you. Your time will come as long as you continue to do the work and not worry about everyone else.

You will have anxiety at times. That is normal in your journey to success. Walt Disney was turned down a ridiculous amount of times before Disney Land came to fruition.  What if he had stopped going for his dream after the third rejection?  Led Zeppelin had food thrown at them at one of their first concerts. What if they quit after that experience? Failure is a part of success.

Compassion

Lastly, the non-toxic C, is compassion. Don’t be hard on yourself if you get a intimidated or anxious when your trying something new. It’s pretty normal. You don’t yell at a baby as they fall, when they’re learning how to walk for the first time.

You have to start somewhere. Everybody starts at a different point. Don’t get jealous over other’s successes. Have compassion on where you are in your process. Rejoice in the little steps in your progress. Little steps add up to big strides. I’ve said it before, it’s more about the journey, than the destination.

My Hope For Everyone Reading This

My hope  for everyone reading this is, to not let fear stand in the way of a dream that needs to come into fruition; that your comparison with others, doesn’t hinder your growth or desire to move forward. I hope you only have a friendly competition with yourself in order to drive you closer to your goals. No one else’s goals are your business. There’s no need to complain about the circumstances you are in today. The contrast you feel, guides you towards that which you crave. What dream are you ready to fulfill?

When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you. – Lao Tzu

 

 

Why Does a Difference of Opinion Have to Turn into a Fight?

Is Fighting a Good Topic to Discuss?

I struggled whether I should write a blog about the way people fight over differences of opinions. I decided to go forward in hopes of being part of the solution, no matter how small my contributions is. Something has to change. What we are doing as a society, isn’t working that well. Social media has its positive uses; but it has a very dark side, we all know too well. People used to be polite to one another in public. Now, people will ignore you or say something rude. Remember when we were taught, If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all?

What happened to manners? What about a simple smile? Fighting doesn’t usually occur when someone is being polite or smiling. In fact, studies show that if you smile at someone, it boost their self-esteem; it’s contagious. If you need to express your opinion of a topic, can you do it nicely?

Does A Debate Have to Turn into a Fight?

Everyday on social media there is some sort of controversy.  And it turns into a fight. Our country is having some serious issues on our communication skills. Many don’t know how to have a healthy debate, resulting in loss of relationships and friendships. How can we be part of the solution and not part of the problem?

For starters, when someone has a difference of opinion, it’s probably not a good thing to start of your conversation with a criticizing word or sentence. You will immediately lose the person’s attention and send them into defensive mode. Nothing will come out of this conversation, except a fight or argument.

Fighting or arguing on social media gives you the false sense of power to say anything that you might not have the guts to say in person. Not too mention, there’s no sense of tone in writing and things are misinterpreted, leading to a fight.  So, how do we not get provoked into fighting?

Let’s Avoid the Fight

Some topics like racism, politics, religion, abortion, and gun control are topics that have strong convictions and are all over social media.  More than likely you aren’t going to change a person’s mind on these subjects. But if there needs to be conversations regarding these topics, try not to make it personal. Listening to what someone has to say whether you agree or not, is one way to avoid a fight.

Ask questions as to why they feel the way they do without judgment. Hopefully, they will reciprocate the listening. When people feel like they’ve been heard, their walls come down and they are more likely to hear your point of view.

No one will respond positively with an opening judgmental statement such as “What’s wrong with you?” or “How can you possibly think that way?” which implies that they think you are some kind of idiot. Everyone likes to be treated with respect. You won’t want to fight, when someone is treating you with respect.

Someone Else’s Shoes

I have strong opinions on all of the topic above, like most of you do. Being a hairstylist for many years, I am paid for opinions on hair care and styles, not much else. My clientele is very diverse; as far as being religious, conservative, liberal, and somewhere in between. In order to keep my clientele, I have to try to put myself in someone else’s shoes.

By putting myself in their shoes, it helps me not to take things personally. It helps me understand the client; or at least, see why they feel the way that they do. By doing that it opens the door for me to share my thoughts and they try to understand me.  We don’t always see eye to eye, but we learn something new almost every time and there’s never a fight.

We All Can Get Along

Let’s not reduce to the fighting that is shown on reality TV. We all know or should know, reality TV isn’t reality; it’s entertainment. I’m not sure why people screaming or pulling hair, is declared entertaining. But for some reason, it sells. It personally gives me some anxiety – much like the fighting on social media.

If I get triggered over a comment on social media, I try to look inside and see why. If my emotions are too much to handle, I block those conversations. I try not to engage in contentious topics. I admit I read comments, but I have learned in the past, participating doesn’t always end with the people you thought you were talking with.

With love, empathy, and compassion, we all can get along. It takes some work and lots of real communication which includes listening to one another. We are at at volatile time where emotions and feelings are running extremely high. Let’s look for solutions instead of pointing out what we deem as the problem. Who really likes to fight?

Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. – Dalai Lama

 

 

Do You Feel the Effects of Mercury Retrograde?

Effects of Mercury Retrograde

Some of you have heard of Mercury in Retrograde and how terrible it is. I know some of you are rolling your eyes and I totally get it. This is just some astrology hokum.  I would too, but I’m one of those people that sees patterns. I have quite a memory much like an elephant to remember patterns and when they took place . Have you felt the effects of Mercury Retrograde?

Mercury retrograde tends to affect learning, contracts, listening, speaking, travel, codes, electronics, and communication. This occurrence happens 3 to 4 times a year. We happen to be in one right now, March 23 – April 15.  I’m sure you’ve heard someone say, “Mercury again! When will this end?” Mercury gets blamed quite a bit. How are your phones and computers holding up right now?

How Are Your Electronics and Flights?

I can usually tell when Mercury is about to be in retrograde, when my computer acts weird, my phone does weird things, or my clients are late due to an unusual amounts of traffic and it’s not even a full moon.  People tend to lose their luggage or have delayed flights during this time. It can be more of a nuisance, if you only focus on its negative effects.

I know there’s no scientific proof of all of this. But I don’t need to have that, when I can see correlations and consistent patterns. My client works on computers for a living. I’ve asked him when Mercury is in retrograde, “Are you extra busy? Are things not going as smoothly as they normally do?” Knowing the answer is yes, he validates me every time. He’s very left brain and more scientific to believe in such nonsense. Yet, he will now ask me if Mercury is doing its thing, because he’s noticing a pattern. Don’t worry though, not all is bad when Mercury retrograde happens.

The “Re’s” That Come With Mercury Retrograde

There are many  “re’s” with Mercury retrograde. Lot’s of redo’s, repairs, and revisions which all sounds kind of negative. I recently had to send a list of mistakes in my advanced reader copies so it could to be “re”vised. It wasn’t a pleasant experience, because it pointed out all of my mistakes. My ego was bruised a little. In the long run, having my mistakes corrected before my book goes to the public to be criticized for poor grammar or typos, is a much better plan.  Not all “re’s” are bad.

Mercury retrograde is an excellent time for revising, redecorating, reconsidering, re-evaluating, reorganizing, renewing, rejuvenating, reinventing, and rejoicing. It’s a time for reflecting.

Do you have a project you need to revisit? To be successful sometimes it’s important to rethink some of our ideas and plans. Maybe they need revising since some things have evolved or changed. What was working at one time, might not be working as well as it used to. Slowing down and taking time to reevaluate a situation hasn’t hurt anyone. All of this is needed to succeed.

No Need to Panic When Mercury is in Retrograde

There is no need to panic when Mercury is in Retrograde. It’s not all bad. Look at the bright side; you get to slow down for a minute and reassess your situation and revamp it. Change is inevitable, so why not go with it. Remember to be organized and don’t wait until the last minute do something. You might need a little longer travel time to get where you need to be. Maybe Mercury in Retrograde is the Universe’s way of making us slow down in this fast-paced world we live in.

“When things are bad, it’s the best time to reinvent yourself.” —George Lopez

Everyone Has the Potential to Fulfill Their Dreams

First Step is Potential

Everyone has the potential to fulfill their dream. Potential is like the seed of a dream. Are you willing to plant that seed?  If’ you’re not, what’s holding you back? Is is lack of knowledge? Is it fear of failure? Lack of motivation?  Are you impatient?

Have you ever met someone and thought Wow, they have such potential? Yet, they never did anything with it. Nothing frustrates me more. They have great ideas or talent, but no follow through.

There seems to be this consensus in which things must happen within a year or two in order for something to come into fruition; such as writing a book, being a rockstar, being an actor, etc. Potential must be followed with action. You can’t become a medical doctor without many years of education. If you want to be a hairstylist, you need to complete a certain amount of hours in beauty school.  Many famous people have had lots of rejection, before making it big.

Everything Has a Gestational Period Including Your Dreams

Everything has a gestational period including your dreams. Once you’ve planted the seed (dream) let it develop. A gardener doesn’t dig up the seed to see if its growing. It waters it, fertilize it, and cares for it.  Seeds and dreams aren’t all that much different. Let the dream develop, grow, and evolve. Learn everything about your dream life; all aspects of it, positive and negative.

My son’s dream is to be a rockstar. He has great potential to make it big. He’s quickly learning that it’s not so simple. There is an extremely high turnover in band members, which slows down the band’s progress.  There are many talented musicians with potential, but talent and potential aren’t enough.  I think most bands don’t make it, because they quit too soon. While talking with other bands that have had some success, my son has learned that this is part of the process. It happens to most rockstars.

The other day I volunteered to be an extra in one of my friend’s TV comedy pilot. I was proud of my friend.  I knew how long this had been in the making; from idea to production.  He’s one of the ones that didn’t give up on his dream. I’m convinced people give up on their dreams prematurely. Or they are too fixated on certain details. Details can delay your process.

I Had a Specific Vision

When I had the idea to open my own salon back in 2008, I had a specific vision. I wanted a house on acreage and build a space where I could do hair, read angel cards, write books, host authors, spiritual teachers, and anything under the realm of healing the mind, body, and soul. The idea had tons of potential. I wanted it to be my Wellness Garden Tool Shed. I’d have the Garden filled with healing herbs, flowers, fruits, and vegetables. I’d have the Tools needed for outer beauty and inner beauty; hair care products, jewelry, books, etc., and the Shed to house everything involving Wellness.

The Kinks

My husband and I didn’t have the funds to buy property at the time. I visualized as much as possible. I made vision boards; whatever I could do to, but nothing was happening. There was a house in a particular area I was looking and it was perfect. It had been on the market for quite some time and the price was reduced. Then the worst happened. It sold. I was so disappointed. My vision wasn’t happening exactly the way I had planned. Sometimes there are kinks in the plan, but it doesn’t mean the plan is ruined for life.

Six months later I found out that the house that I wanted with tons of natural space was going to have a whole new housing development built. I would’ve died had I bought that property. Maybe delays or unforeseen and unwanted changes really are for the best in realizing your potential.

Epiphany

I kept the Wellness Garden Tool Shed in the back of my mind, but didn’t dwell on it. Since our funds were tied up in other investments, getting a loan was nearly impossible. Years went by and I had started getting serious about writing, angel card reading, and hosting guest with unique abilities inline with my goals. I had an epiphany.

Why don’t I have my Wellness Garden Tool Shed here in the house. My already existing yard could be the garden. I could do some landscaping and do all the things I had thought of here.  My backyard has a beautiful view of rolling hills. Plus, I have the space to host guests for whatever. The point is had I’d been strictly set on a specific location, I’d still be waiting for my potentially great salon.

It’s All About the Process

It took eight years from a potentially wonderful business to a tangible and prosperous business. Had someone told me, I’d have to wait eight years to have my dream business, I don’t know if I could’ve handled it.  It was the process which kept me going. Each step lead to the next and drove me closer to my goal. It was fun learning the different steps of building a business from scratch. I have everything I want in a business and more.  It is growing and evolving like a garden. I’m not trying to brag. I knew I had potential and took the necessary steps to get where I wanted to be. If I can do it, you can too!

Remember it’s the journey not the destination. Some things are too big to take in all at once. A building starts with one brick,  a city starts with one neighborhood, and so forth.  The point is to start. Are you living up to your Potential?

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Thoughts and Energy Are the Key Ingredients in Attraction

Thoughts, Energy, and Attraction

Thoughts have assisted me well, in manifesting and being resourceful. I mentioned this in my previous blog. What does this mean? It’s quite simple. It’s an energies game. Some of you may be rolling your eyes about now, and that’s okay. It tells me, you may not have a clear idea of how the Law of Attraction works. You might not be aware that your thoughts are energy. Science is catching up with the mystics. Look up quantum physics. Thoughts eventually turn into things.

Things don’t usually fall out of the sky and land on your doorstep, although sometimes, they do. Generally, no one sends you a book deal out of the blue, because you were thinking of writing a book. What you might get is an idea that can lead to making money through action of some sort; writing a story, starting a business, an invention, etc., which could lead to an opportunity that snowballs into something amazing.

“If I didn’t have Bad Luck, I’d have no Luck at All”

Law of Attraction is like energy that attracts like energy. Everything has a vibration, like a radio frequency, including thoughts. It’s about tuning into the frequency of the thing that you want. I’m sure you’ve heard someone in your life say, “If I didn’t have bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.” And bad things actually happen to them. It’s not because they’re bad people, but rather where their energy and thoughts are.

Then there are those which seem to be blessed by the heavens above. Everything comes to them easily. The “knowing that they are lucky,” is the energy put into the “luck” vibration, which attracts more luck.

I’ve learned from dirt bike riding where your focus should be. It shouldn’t be on the rock or tree that you don’t want to hit. Focus your attention on where you want to go. If you focus on the tree, 9 out 10 times, you will hit the tree. Don’t focus on the things that will ultimately hurt you. Focus on the destination and the prize.

What are you focusing your attention on?

What are you focusing your attention on? Things you attract aren’t always as blatant; like a person calling or texting a few minutes after they popped into your brain. Many people have had that experience.

 The beginning of last week, my client had come back from Africa talking about her trip, giving me information for my latest working manuscript.  I’ve been obsessed with Africa since last December.

My son is in a rock band. He’s in the process of finding a drummer. Lots of drummers have been over to audition.  Drummers are a constant topic in our household. My focus is on Africa and drums.

By the end of my workweek, a client of mine, which is an artist, mentioned news of getting his artwork into a place where African drumming is taught. He had this beautiful painting of an African woman playing on a Congo Drum. Did you get it? Do you recognize the obvious signs and connections, when they happen to you? I love the validation!

 Energy and Thought Patterns

Learning about energy has guided me to examine my thought patterns and how they affected my life events. This led me to writing my memoir. I wanted share how this worked in my life through example. Manifesting Me, gives samples of outcomes, while living in a state of worry and fear. I new I needed to break the patterns of unhealthy thinking. Eventually I learned the benefits of living in a state of happiness and love. The outcome speaks for itself.

With an enthusiastic and confident vibe, anything is possible. Somethings have a longer gestational period. Patience is truly a virtue. I own a salon, I read Angel cards, and I am author. I’m in control of my schedule and make time for recreation and relationships. None of this happened overnight and without completing the steps to make them happen; salons don’t build themselves, books don’t write themselve. There is another law; Action.

Where are your thoughts and energy ? It takes about 28 days to create a habit. Not everyone is happy-go-lucky naturally. Even the most positive people have off days sometimes. Some people have experienced great loss. By no means am I negating anyone’s tragedies or suggesting you have control over every event in your life. I am merely suggesting to focus to the best of your ability on something that brings you joy. Try it out for a month. Live life on purpose with calculated thoughts and see what happens. You might surprise yourself!

What Is The Law Of Attraction? Open Your Eyes To A World Of Endless Possibilities